Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Lovely day, lovely day

Our tiny town has lots of cafes, none of which I've used more than a couple of times, not to say that's because I don't go out for coffee often, I go out for coffee multiple times a week, I've got to be the only person that will drive 20 miles to a shopping village, dive straight into Starbucks for an hour and drive home again, without frequenting any of the shops that are supposedly so good that half of Wales seems to also be there on a day trip.

What I'm saying is, there are cafes. There's the locals cafe, which is horrible for wheelchair access, is miles from the car park and the pavement that takes you there is narrower than I am. There's the gay couple from London's cafe, where you can pay £4.50 for a plain bagel if have that much money to throw around. (Incidentally, they have only been open for 3 months, I give them 6 months top before they realise that this is Somerset, we are not posh, you will go bust) and then there's the 'set up in an old folk's front room' cafe, that only has space for 3 small tables and even a whispered conversation echos into the kitchen. Until now, there has been much quantity and little quality.

Last weekend a new cafe opened and I have been more times than I care to admit. It's simply gorgeous. Built in an old barn, it has high ceilings, beams and sink into sofas. The North side is full glass that looks out over the river, making the room light and spacious, cool and crisp. The toilets are huge, the parking right outside the door is for disabled only. The enormous range of coffee flavours and blends are to die for and the slices of perfect homemade cakes are generous in size but low in price. I seriously think I've found heaven and after only 10 days of opening their doors they know me by name.

I took Dad there today and boy was he happy. He loved it as much as I do and we spent a good 2 hours chatting and laughing more than we have in a long time. All the while I couldn't help but look at him and think, "your face is no longer gaunt, your hair is no longer thin, your voice is no longer weak and your smile is no longer missing". A year ago this month we were told he was dying and it was going to be sooner rather than later. In the next 3 months we will hit 3 separate dates on which we were told he most likely wouldn't live until the end of the week. Yet here he is, sat with me, with his twinkly eyes and his animated laugh, drinking up the goodness of life whilst putting two fingers up to the estimations given.

We're returning tomorrow, I want to repeat the experience, with the perfect person in the perfect place.

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It's been a while.

I suddenly have the urge to blog, my mind is over spilling and I need an outlet. Things have felt so out of control, I'm not sure where I am or how I'm feeling, I guess you could say I'm in a state of confusion.

I went to a party over the weekend, it's been weeks since I've had an opportunity to let my hair down and I was looking forward to doing so. Unfortunately, an hour into the party everything went pear shaped and I ended up leaving to drive a very upset Rachel home and spent the rest of the night consoling her. After a couple of days of conversations with various friends within our little 'group', it appears that Tessa has an issue with me. If this all sounds to you like a childhood playground issue then you would be right, it feels as if I have been transported back to 1982 with shades of "you took my friend away from me" and "everything was alright until you came along and now she plays with you more than me". Seriously, I can't get my head around adults acting this way and quite frankly, I can't be arsed with it either.

Rachel and I hit it off from the very first meeting, we see each other almost everyday and have a unique friendship that feels more like sisters. She does spend a lot of time with me, but she also has a husband and 2 kids to tend too and works full time, this leaves little time for anyone else. Tessa isn't happy about this and decided to choose someone else party, at someone else house, to let Rachel know it both verbally and physically. She then went on to be unacceptably rude to everyone else at the party in the most vindictive and vicious way that I have ever seen a woman behave, it was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer.

So there you have it, it appears that I have upset the balance within a group of friends that were "just find until she came along". This woman is 42, intelligent and a mother of 2 teenagers, did she miss the growing up phase of her life?! I really can't get my head around her behaviour, it's astounding and some what disturbing at the same time.

Of course all of this doesn't make me feel great, but in the grand scheme of things it's a minor issue and I really don't have the time or energy to get caught up in playground politics. What is it about some women and their tittle tattle bitchy ways? He said, she said, they said conversations? Do some people have such empty lives? Men make far better mates, I am seriously contemplating spending hours down the pub discussing tits and football rather than finding myself in the middle of such pettiness.

In other news, I had an MRI on Thursday and am eagerly awaiting the results. This should take a few weeks, but I'm used to waiting when it comes to the nhs. I have been given the impression that they think one of my disks has gone caput and if is the case, they are very reluctant to operate so close to the tumour site and it may be a case of upping all my meds to control the pain. I really don't relish the thought, but if it's the only way to go, then so be it. Fingers crossed for a better resolution though, you never know your luck.

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Hangs head in shame

Ruth, Adam and Lady S from the Shire.

I owe each of you emails and I am thoroughly ashamed at my shoddy friendship lately. Please do not hate me, I'm not normally this bad at keeping contact with people, which is not an excuse, because frankly, my behaviour has been bloody awful and if I were my friend I would have told myself to piss off long ago. (ok that's a lie, I would be all "please be my friend, please don't leave me, I neeeeeeed a friend!" whilst clutching your trouser leg).

I have long awaited hospital visits/appointments tomorrow and Friday, where I hope to get the ball rolling to bring this body down a peg or two and let it know who the hell the boss is around here (and I would say that to it's face if I were a contortionist) and then I will get my priorities straight before I am totally friendless and get down to the business of being sociable.

You WILL hear from me soon, or else I will eat my guinea pig.

Jilly xxx

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What a difference a day makes..

...24 little hours.

Anyone want to come over for Sunday lunch? I can't cook, but Birds Eye do a cracking frozen plate.

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Seeing the wood as well as the trees.

Why after over 30 years do the same type of comments from the same person still sting? When will I let it go over my head? When will I stop expecting the impossible?

The last couple of days have been hugely unproductive. I need to get my arse in gear............... tomorrow, I promise I will tomorrow, but for today I just want to curl up and read.

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Crying over roadkill

36 hours of no sleep makes Jilly an emotional girl.

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Handle? Fly off? Much?

What?! A new series of Waking The Dead started last night? Why the fuck didn't someone tell me? You know how much I love Trevo...... Waking The Dead! I've just switched over and the second half is starting, but I can't bloody watch it can I, because I never saw the first half! Does anyone realise how gut wrenching this is for me? Someone could of at least mentioned it, have I not gone ooon and ooon about it enough in the past?!

I thought I had friends here (The Scarlett one!!). You see this evil eye? This one, right here, the one that says 'if looks could kill', yeah, that's for you bitches. I swear to god, if I can't find these two episodes on the net somewhere I'll curl up in a little ball and rock. Forever. *Stomps off in dramatic manner*

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A true friend..

.. will turn up unexpected in their lunch break to help you clean your flat because she heard your cleaner cancelled 2 weeks in a row.

Thank you Rach, I seriously don't know what I'd do without you. x

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