Life's Rich Tapestry: December 2005

Friday, December 30, 2005

Raaarr..

God, some of you are soo demanding! I'm posting ok? OK? Jeez.

But I guess I can forgive you, because you say such nice things about the photo, which makes me feel warm inside and also maybe not quite as ugly as I usually do.

I shan't give a Christmas run down, primarily because it is boring and isn't everyone all christmased out already? And also, family crap that I am forbidden to talk about. Bah.

All you really need to do is use your imagination.

Christmas Day = A pride of fighting lions*.
Boxing Day = Fun,laughter and outrageous behaviour stretched out until 2am.
Bank Holiday = Fighting lions, round 2, ding ding.

In true Sesame Street style, one of these things is doing their own thing. No prizes for guessing which one WASN'T spend with family.

"Take me away from these angsty people will ya, I am just 10 weeks old for fucks sake"!

So now I am weary and yes I am sure I'm not the only one, but Jesus, is it ever worth it? My gut reaction was 'no', until yesterday. Due to Mr Spasm, I spent the day in 'Costa de la Duvet', accompanied by Thorntons Florentines, Double Chocolate Coffee and the 'Lost' box set. Fucking paradise.

You see how Sawyer yearns? You see the lust? He soo wants to crawl under my duvet.

* The wee lion sat on the sidelines. You know, the one that gets on with all the other lions and therefore is the only one that never actually participates, but would have great pleasure in violently smacking all the other lion' heads together? Rarrrr I say raaaaar!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Have a good'un

HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND CHAPS AND CHAPPESSES
AND JUST TO PROVE HOW MUCH I REALLY DO LOVE YOU....

Me!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Cheesiness? Is that a word?

I am so fucking cold right now and even though I have the heating turned way up, I can only guess that my hands and feet ARE still attached to the respective limbs. I've been dreaming about wrapping my blue fingers around a hot steaming mug of coffee for the last half an hour, but having lost all sense of digit co-ordination, there is a dangerously high risk of somehow burning my fanny through spillage.

I'm finally starting to feel christmasy, which is a HUGE deal for me, maybe it's just something about reaching your 30's, giving in and going with the flow, or maybe it really has to do with the grotto I've been living in the past week and OH MY LORD check my ears haven't got all pointy and elf like!

The TV is filled with b rate movies, involving polyester clad santas, sickly sweet children in pajamas and such obvious fake snow. I still have it on in the background though, it all adds to the grand cheesiness.

What is good about today: A whole Christmas Yule Log divided into breakfast, lunch and dinner.
What is bad about today: Shit, I'm gonna puk........

Lights

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Oi doughnut, shut up!

I am so filled with emotion right now....... I can't even begin to explain.... You know what? I won't even try, you can hear it for yourselves..

...Am composing myself... Stay with me......Ok..

I present, the most beautiful, heart wrenching poetry, lovingly rained upon me by my toddler god daughter..

"Father Christmas is gonna come bite your big bum"

"Shut up old doughnut"

and whilst sat with her mother eating lunch...
"Oi, you two fat ladies"

It's ok, you can well up, I certainly did.

The 8 year old sister was never so poetic, but then I did childmind her through the younger years, I obviously failed miserably, can I ever forgive myself?

Chubby Chubber

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Love..hate..love...

Me: go and make a cuppa for a cripple will ya
Her: bugger off make it yourself
Me: selfish biatch
Her: yeap that's me
Me: after ALL I do for you and ALL that I suffer
Her: uh huh
Me: right I'll go and make my own and if I trip over the guinea pig, hit the back of my head and end up brain dead and on a ventilator, it will be ALL YOUR FAULT
Her: ok, shout loud though cos I will be watching TV
Me: but I might be led on the floor unconscious
Her: do it quietly then

Who needs enemies when you have a so called friends like her.

May you never come all the way from Wales, visit my house with your kids and leave bourbon biscuit crumbs under my table again. But you are welcome to fix my knackered template anytime in the future.

Merry Christmas you nasty cow, I love you.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ho Fucking Ho

Greetings to you from Santa's Grotto.

Decorating my flat at Christmas has never been on my agenda. Some years I have hunted out that one piece of purple tinsel and the 2 foot plastic tree, but most years it has stayed in the loft, probably crying into it's baubles from the rejection.

This morning my friend came over to dye my hair (chocolate brown, looks good enough to eat), her following 2 customers of the day had cancelled so she suggested we nipped down the pub for a spot of lunch and a quick drinky poos dahhlings.

Just as I was finishing my sausage baguette, I glanced to see a worrying mad glint in her eyes.

"I want to decorate your flat"
"wha?"
"Let's go and buy some Christmas decorations"
"but I.."
"DO NOT deny me the pleasure, I feel the need to be creative"
"ppfftt whatever"
"Oh it'll be greeeeeat fun!!"
"Hmmm, totally"

So here I sit amongst 100 large red flashing lights (8 settings, one of them being 'Rave Wave', which I intend to test out after my 10pm morphine, grooovey), psychedelic papers chains, far too many hangy baubly things, strung tinsel, set of matching santas, refurbished tree and a glass nativity ornament.

Has it cured 35 years of bah humbugness? Has it feck! Then again, maybe it will grow on me, I'm very open minded to the powers of persuasion.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Yooou whoooo

Sshhhh, it's the middle of the night and dayyyyym its cold sat here in my stripy pj's and holey socks, also modeling gorgeous bed hair.

So sorry for worrying folks and thank you, thank you, thank you so much, for all the "hi" comments, (I had lurkers! Weeeeeee!) and "where the fuck are you?" emails. I will visit ya'll soon . You are all lovely, lovely people and I am such a lucky brat who needs her arse kicked.

I have still got the infections, started on the 2nd lot of antibiotics yesterday, but its doesn't matter, because I am waaaay over the "woe is me" stage. (About bloody time too you all cry), yeah, you and me both.

Jeeez, I should try and get some more sleep, lets see if this time, I can avoid dreaming about marrying an illegal immigrant after only knowing him 3 days. I am SO not joking!

Night night peeps.

Friday, December 02, 2005

The lights are out..

The bubbly, sarcastic and piss taking blogger? She's not here right now. She can't always carry it off and just occasionally, there will be 48 hours of feeling like lifes not fair. Call it self pity, weakness, call it what you like, she would probably agree with you. But she would also be so grateful if you could do her a favour. Lurking? Passing through? Detour? Please leave her a comment, just a simple 'hi' if you like, give her a hand to get a grip, she really would appreciate it more than you will ever know. xxx.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Life is like a box of jelly babies..

ipore io ew re eropiue..... I fell over yesterday and hit my head on the radiator... apo dopj wpoij.... So those random letters? They actually make sense to me.

I'm being dragged along to see Mrs Henderson Presents by my mother today.

"Ooook, but I'm warning you mum, I hate this type of film, I will be bored and no doubt either sigh irritated throughout, or disappear for half an hour, where if needed, I will be found in the foyer routing for the black jelly babies in the pick and mix"

"Will young appears naked in it apparently"

"Ahhh Jelly Babies schnelly babies, I'm sure I'll just about manage to sit it out, anything for your enjoyment mother. Have you actually booked the tickets yet?

"Well I wasn't sure if you could go"

"OMG BOOK THE TICKETS NOW WOMAN!..... *ahem*.. you know, just in case"

And if I DO NOT see a nekkid Will Young, I want my money back.

You may be getting an ipod for Christmas, or a play station, but guess what I'm getting? OMG I am so excited... Really.... I can't friggin wait and no, I'm not being sarcastic in the least, I just can't contain myself. I'm going to have to wait until the end of January to actually pick it up, but OH MY GOD, I'm gonna have so much fun with one of these....

RUN JILLY RUN!

Life's Rich Tapestry