Life's Rich Tapestry: December 2007

Monday, December 31, 2007

"Oi. Big Nose!"

I'm unusually impatient for 2008 to arrive because for the past year I have written it instead of 2007 on important documents/cheques more times than I can remember. I don't know why, the only reason I can think of is because it's an even number and even numbers are prettier than odd. When driving I can't have the car stereo volume turned to an odd number, so much so that I compulsively check the levels by twiddling the knob so that the digital display lights up, even though I know damn well it's at level 12 just like the last time I looked. I'm uneasy and anxious with odd, secure and relaxed with even, which I have decided, explains why it's impossible for me to eat just one biscuit.

I've never been a big New Years Eve person. I'm pretty non plussed by sailing into another 12 months, it's not that I'm miserable or fearful of it, I've just never found it as exciting and joyous as most. Things were different in my younger days of course, a new hour was a good enough excuse to get pissed and kiss a random bloke, but nowadays I'm perfectly happy to have a quiet drink with friends or family. This year I had planned to be with Dad at midnight and if that didn't work out, I was invited to a party. As it turns out I have a head cold (yes I have only just recovered from 3 weeks of infections, what can I say, I'm a gluttonous bitch), so can't be around Dad and I simply can't be arsed to tart myself up for a party, no, I'm quite happy at home with my cranberry juice, slurping Greek yogurt and honey whilst watching Life of Brian.

I don't usually make resolutions, doing so seems to be an obvious step to failure, but this year I fancied taking the risk. Firstly I want to make more of an effort to blog regularly, situations permitting, so I'm planning on five entries a week and if I keep in mind that a entry can consist of just a photograph or a couple of sentences if I'm pushed for time, then I'm far more likely to stick to it. Secondly, I need to learn to cook and it needs to be decent vitamin rich foods. The amount of sinus, ear and throat infections I've had this year is way past funny and I know my diet doesn't help, so instead of grabbing periodic bowls of cereal or toast, I have to get over my cooking laziness and start making proper grub. In actual fact, this may shock you, but I made carrot and coriander soup today, which for me is an achievement and a half, in fact I was so chuffed with myself that I rang my brother to squeal down the phone once I realised I had eaten some and hadn't keeled over! So you see I have all the best intentions, I really do, but I can't promise, that in the next couple of months the odd bowl of branflakes won't make an appearance as a main meal, it's just so hard to go cold turkey on all that cardboardy goodness.

Have a fantastic evening and day tomorrow. I hope the new year is everything you want it to be.

Who's a clever girl then?!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

"Bloody tinsel, I bet I'd find pieces up my arse if I looked hard enough"

I hope your Christmas day was as perfect as ours, because believe me, ours couldn't have been better, well, apart from the part where I picked Grandad up to come and spend the afternoon with us, only for him to demand to be taken back to the old folks home after only 40 minutes, which wasn't the issue itself, because only being able to stomach 40 minutes of his family? Whatever, we laughed about that, but my god, it takes almost 40 minutes and a lot of heaving and shouting of instructions to manoeuvre him in and out of the car. Many mince pies were needed for energy replenishment on our return, oh the sorrow.

The most important thing was to make it the day Dad had dreamed off and it was, even if my brother forgot to cook my vegetarian quorn and goats cheese and I had to have extra perfectly crisp roast potatoes to compensate, again, oh the sorrow.

So, to the photos, of which there are a few, but not nearly as many as I actually took, which may have been near on a hundred, I saw the whole day through a lens, that's a perfect day for me.

Not impatient at all to open their presents, for material things hold no importance to them, it's all about the stable, in Bethlehem, with donkeys and a saviour being born and please let me get a Robopet and the Beano Annual, Amen.

She doesn't pretend to care about Jesus, because 10 year olds can say what they really feel and she feels excited about the material things and oh my god if I have to wait any longer I will uncontrollably combust all over my Nana's Oatmeal walls! (She had her first proper spot, at age ten, TEN? I was barely potty trained at ten!).

The only photo he would let me put on the interweb because "I look like Amy Winehouse in all the others". He isn't quite as thin, but he does beat her hands down on drug intake.

Oh look, here's Georgia eating sweets, which would be the very same sweets she was told off for eating half an hour previously, and the half hour before that, and the half hour before that. Guilty much?

A classic case of 'over the kids' heads'.

This Christmas, buy a loved one a truly special gift, a beautiful silver plated framed picture of their partner at age 14 will bring joy and laughter to the whole family and spread an all round feeling of smug satisfaction. Simply ring 'How To Gain Payback On A Sibling' on 0800..

Much to my brothers relief, my niece had yet to discover High School Musical.

Until now! Bwhahahaha!

It's no secret that I hate to cook, I can't cook, I won't cook. Apparently my brother and his better half think it's about time that changed. Personally, I think they just want to ridicule me, how am I supposed to compete with a couple that resemble Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson in the kitchen, grow their own produce, keep chickens at the bottom of their garden and find cooking so exciting that they do it just for fun, even when they're not hungry? It's wrong people, wrong. I have one month to master a dish before they invite themselves over for dinner, god help me.

My favouriest family ever.

Boxing Day. 7AM. In the woods. Don't ask.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas Friends

047, originally uploaded by Purpledew.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The one where I pour my heart out, feel better for it, but may regret it in the morning.

So I am better, but mum is ill, which means I'm staying at the parents place to look after Dad. I probably won't be back before Christmas and if my Dad catches whatever my mum has (which seems like a cold, but oh my god you would think it was the plague) and is ill for Christmas day, I swear to god I'll become the most evil and bitter woman for the rest of my life, either that or I'll be put away forever for murdering my mother, the way she is acting right now you would think she was the one with terminal cancer.

I started some therapy last week, it's no secret that during my late teens and through part of my twenties I had problems regarding food. Two lots of hospitalisation, one of 3 months and the other of 6, followed by a 2 year stay at a specialist unit. I've been free from all that for 10 years now, well I was free, until this summer, when some old habits started to surface and things got somewhat out of control as weeks past, so I made arrangements straight away to sort something out before it became too much of a problem.

It's pathetic of me to admit that throughout my life, none and I mean NOT ONE of my friends have liked my mum. Her sister or mother won't come to stay because they can't cope with her behaviour and and there is not one member of the family that has not at some point or the other, spoken to me about her instability and attention seeking ways. Hell, every single counsellor I've had has put my eating problems down to our relationship and the hold she has over me and although not so much now, still has over me. I finally admitted last week, that the fact that Dad is terminal is the easy part to all of this, who has and continues to be the most upsetting, stressful and difficult person to cope with over the last 6 months is Mum.

If you are an Eastenders watcher, imagine Peggy Mitchell and Pauline Fowler rolled into one and multiplied by ten. Controlling, manipulative, master of the guilt treatment, attention seeking, interfering and never wrong. I know most teenage girls would use all these words to describe their mothers in their teenage angst, but believe me, this is far from that level, this is at the level of OCD and severely screwed up tendencies. Certain people have tried to persuade her to have treatment in the past but to no avail, because, there is nothing wrong with me, if only x, y and z would change their behaviour I wouldn't need to act this way.

There, I got it all out, I said it and you know what, I know I'm not imagining it, because I hear it from friends all the time, but I guess, hearing it from a trained therapist for the first time in ten years, has sparked a new determination to work on not letting it happen anymore. To not accept everything that's slung my way because if I speak my mind I am met with tears and tantrums and an almighty spiel of 'woe is me' that immediately sends me on a, "oh my god I'm such a bitch" guilt trip, when it's not my behaviour that should be questioned.

All this said, I love my mum, of course I do, we can at times be best friends, but I just don't like this part of her. Also, now is not the right time for change or stand offs, things will have to be put on hold, but you know, that's damn hard when I watch my father being treated badly and being manipulated into feeling like all of her stress and tears are his fault for being ill and he should feel continuously guilty and sorry for what he's doing to her. But the show downs will wait, for obvious reasons and I will support her and comfort her when Dad isn't here anymore, I will carry on being her rock, but only to the extent that is needed and not to the level where manipulation and attention seeking starts to play a part, because if I don't start to put my foot down, I'll never get from under this hold she has over me and the problems it creates in my own mind, plus, I seem to be the only one of our family/friends that still accepts her behaviour lying down and I am sick of those people forever telling me to harden up and stop accepting it. I don't want to be the only one anymore.

Now I have that off my chest, I hope you all have a good Christmas, I intend to make it the best one yet and am really looking forward to having the family all together for Christmas Day for the first time in years. Dad's going to get the best Christmas he has ever had and I don't mind admitting, that for the first time in ages, I'm excited!!

See you in the New Year, when I intend to make my resolution updating everyday from Monday to Friday. Yet another one to be spectacularly broken no doubt, ah well, isn't that the fun of resolutions? Seriously, thanks for sticking around through the shit, I really appreciate it more than you know. I hope the next year brings you all you dreamed of, except Wentworth Miller, cos he's all mine.

Jilly
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Diggin' The Robot

My guinea pig has the shits, which may have something to do with the Mini Chedders I shared with her last night. Some may call that cruelty, I call that a lack of gratitude, I gave away half a Mini Chedder for fucks sake!

I don't have an awful lot to say, I'm a wee bit tense about a 'meeting' tomorrow and whether I will be able to control my mucus induced gag reflex during that hour, or will I just completely dry up and perch on the edge of the chair like a stuffed, alert (or not so alert being as it would be dead), Meerkat.

I'll leave you with this little gem, which was apparently responsible for my Dad laughing so uncontrollably that his intravenous machine wouldn't stop alarming. I got bollocked for that. Don't say I don't ridicule myself for the less fortunate.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It hops like a kangaroo and everything!

I really think you can catch germs through the Internet. How is it that I know not one germ infested person in 'real life', yet the owners of half the blogs I read are ill? Which is maybe why I'm not getting much better and about to embark on a third lot of antibiotics, how am I going to get over this lurgy if I insist on visiting germ ridden web pages everyday?

Being sick isn't as much fun as staying home when you are supposed to be somewhere else, I seem to remember however ill I felt, experiencing that little buzz of freedom when off sick from work, a silver lining if you will, but when you are precisely where you normally are, only feeling like shit, well, that kind of sucks donkey balls. It's not like I've even saved money thanks to Pr*cedrop tv and ebay, so far I've bought a brooch, a ring, Bare Escentuals makeup, Dog The B0unty Hunter fridge magnets and flowery trainers, all of which are presents for others, well, apart from the ring, which I ordered even though it wasn't in my size, ummmm, what the hell?! Was I expecting to have a massive case of permanent water retention within the next 7 days? And even now, as we speak my hand is hovering over the bid button on some B0dy Shop Tea Tree Oil Freshener.

So apart from watching gormless TV, lying in bed in a painkiller daze with toilet roll jammed up my nostrils and breathing like a pug on 40 a day, I have nothing else to report. Oh, except I want one of these for Christmas. Thanks.

Oi, Ladeeee, I is running owtta nuts!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Fill out in BLACK ink, do NOT write outside the boxes, it will confuse our tiny brains.

Yes yes, I know I said I would tell the story of the mini supermarket war yesterday, but I have yet another sinus infection, which means the room spins, my head explodes and my brain gets squeezed out of my nasal passage every time I stand up, or maybe I got that in the wrong order, because how could my brain squeeze out of my nasal passage after my head has already exploded? Hmm, something to ponder.

Anyway, it's not easy to type whilst making sure snot doesn't drip into the keyboard, it's already pretty crowded in there after last nights crusty baguette episode, plus I have a lot of government paperwork to do, which I do not mind dripping snot onto. In fact, if I have not finished the bazillion questions by this time tomorrow, I may have to pick up that paperwork, place it centrally beneath my nostrils and blow as violently as possible.

Monday, December 03, 2007

I probably shouldn't be watching Most Haunted right now

There is nothing better than driving 25 miles, on dark quiet country roads, in the middle of the night, in order to dodge crowds in Tescas extra, to finish the god damn Christmas shopping that I hate OH SO MUCH. But on the plus side, I get to browse the huge clothing department in peace, squeeee! Yeah, I can soo predict what's gonna happen. One present for Rach, two presents for Jilly, one present for Dad, two presents for Jilly.

So I must go and get my shoes on and hope that I don't see any headless horsemen on those lonely roads, or end up doing that thing where I'm sure someone is sitting in the back seat of my car and just ducks every time I look in the mirror, but will put their arms around my throat just as I've hit 60mph and I will end up in a ditch dying slowly of blood loss or hypothermia, because jeez, it's flippin' freezing out there!

Tomorrow I will explain how I got banned from the local mini supermarket at the weekend. Yeah, I'm just so bloody hardcore.

Life's Rich Tapestry