As I'm laid up with a bust knee, I've been spending far too much of my time watching TMF music channel, sleeping off the extra trippy muscle relaxers and concentrating on trying not to squash a guinea pig with the manual wheelchair, although I may have started concentrating a little less after one of the little bastards ate part of my front wheel.
I am a little concerned with the sexual content within a fair few top tunes at the moment. Firstly, what's with Nelly Furtado all of a sudden? That woman has gone from Mother Superior to Carmen Electra overnight, I've never seen such a transformation in the name of record selling desperation. I personally, don't fall for it, I mean have you ever heard her in an interview? The woman is a sandwich short of a picnic, she giggles constantly in a glazed eyed. manic screech, she hasn't really turned into Carmen Electra for me, she's just Mother Theresa on crack.
'Fergie Ferge love you long time' has branched out on her own. It's a catchy tune, but what the hell? I never thought she could touch the group's "Ma humps, ma luvly lady lumps", but she's sailed way above with her latest offering..
How come everytime you come around, my London London Bridge wanna go down
London Bridge? Is this some kind of street slang that I'm missing? Or is she singing about a double decker driver that wants to get from one side of the Thames to another? I really have no idea.
Justin Trousersnake has churned out yet another good track, but again, the teasing lyrics...
Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
followed by;
I think your special what's behind your back
So turn around and ill pick up the slack.
Are him and Britney having a revenge contest? I'm sexier than you are, ner ner ner ner nerrrr?
And then we come to Robbie, who, quite frankly gets away with murder on his latest track Rudebox, which includes the lines...
Ok then back to baseheads dance like you just won at the special Olympics
I got the rudebox of the back of a spaceship, so sick I just had to take it
The R.U.D.E.B.O.X. up yer jacksy, split yer kecks, sing a song of semtex, pocket full of durex, body full of mandrex
Are we gonna have sex (yes) will you wear your knee socks (ohh) back to the rudebox
Rudebox, do the rudebox, cos you so nasty
Rudebox, shake your rudebox, why you so nasty
Sex and discrimination all in one, what a winner!
I mean really, can we just stop with the sleazy domination in the music industry for a bit, it's becoming monotonous.
We can still be witty and entertaining, 'real' and honest without oozing sex or romantic slush can't we? You see this is why I like Lily Allen so much, you can't beat a track about your little brother..
Ooooo deary me,
My little brother's in his bedroom smoking weed,
I tell him he should get up cos it's nearly half past three
He can't be bothered cos he's high on THC.
I ask him very nicely if he'd like a cup of tea,
I can't even see him cos the room is so smoky,
Don't understand how one can watch so much TV,
My baby brother Alfie how I wish that you could see.
[Chorus]
Oooooo I only say it cos I care,
So please can you stop pulling my hair.
Now, now there's no need to swear,
Please don't despair my dear Mon frere.
Ooooo Alfie get up it's a brand new day,
I just can sit back and watch your life waste away
You need to get a job because the bills need to get paid.
Get off your lazy arse,
Alfie please use your brain
Surely there's some walls out there that you can go and spray,
I'm feeling guilty for leading you astray,
Now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid,
When all you do is stay and play on your computer games?
[Chorus]
Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,
I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.
It's time that you and I sat down and had a little chat,
And look me in the eyes take off that stupid fitted cap.
It's got french in the chorus and everything, right proper class.
