Awkwardness..
I am loathe to update when I am not at my best. It's become a real mental barrier. Like my health should be some kind of sorbid secret.
I have no patience for people that whine about their lives, unless, of course, they have something worth whining about. I think it comes from a certain family member who always has something wrong with them and is consumed by their woe. You constantly find yourself skirting around the automatic greeting of "hi, how are you?", because that question is practically signing your own death warrant for the next hour. I never want to become 'that' type of person and am overly wary of giving the impression that I am, a) feeling sorry for myself or b) an attention whore.
The problem with this brick wall I run into, is that I am sick, a lot. The meds I take bully my immune system, my body gets run down easily and I pick up most things, (minus the clothes chucked on my bedroom floor) and everytime this happens, I feel like I have to lie, to find some kind of excuse for my absence, or make a huge, 'Ha ha ha, witty witty, fucking hilarious, I'm sick' joke out of it so as not to appear like a moany self absorbed bitch. There is also the fact that I desperately want to appear 'the norm', when its doesn't take a rocket scientist to conclude that physically, I am not. (Insert your own 'I don't believe she just ignored the mental, that's delusion for ya' joke here.)
Documenting each time I am less than best would quickly turn this blog into a mainly medical one, which is something I neither want, or set out to do, but it's dam hard to write about anything when, a) lately, your time has been spent in bed, or b) you don't feel up to turning the computer on, entwined with the need to use common courtesy and inform the internet that you are, a) not ignoring it's "where the fuck are you's?" and b) not dead.
So, I am not dead, I just have various infections going on and will be back.... errrm.... When I'm back... Which errrm.... No fecking idea. *cue 'put on hold' type music*
