Gone and thankfully forgotten
Oh good god, I have just had the worst day. It all started this morning after my shower, when I put my bra on.
Now ladies, I don't know about you, but I do my hooks up at the front and then twizzle them round to the back. Only today, in full twizzle, the end of the underwire shot through the material just in time to make a 2 inch gash in my under booby crease.
"Ahhhhh! I could have had me nipple out with that!"
Then followed a good ten minutes of boob lifting infront of the mirror for inspection. I am going to have to go braless for a few days until it heals, which means I must remember, no sudden movements. Only an hour after this, somehow, I collided with the door frame, whalloping my elbow, shoulder and wrist in the process. Soo elegant.
My dad got connected to the internet for the first time last night and already I am getting phone calls for assistance. I am such a cynical bitch, whilst driving over...
"Ppfft, it's not working, my arse. I'm going all the way over there to find he's clicking on the wrong icon"
3 hours of crashing and freezing up and I have no idea what the hell is wrong with it. I have tried everything I know to try and.. zilch. He's gonna have to call his mate in the know, which really pisses me off, because I am a women that hates to move over for a more knowledgeable man. Grrrr.
By the time I left, it was 5pm and I had eaten nothing all day. I was wound up, irritable and had a headache from all the technical brain strain, so decided to stop off at the shop to treat myself to some yummy fresh pasta. Guess what? No fucking purse. Gone. Disappeared.
I drove home and searched the flat and finally found it inside a pillow case that was already ON a pillow. Don't ask me, I have no idea. I got back into the car, headed back to the shop and pulled up just as the all day drizzle escalated into a torrential avalanche.
Whhhhhy did you turn the taps on God? You knoooooow I can't run. Have I not suffered enough that you have to drown me too? Or is it some kind of baptism or washing of sins? Because oh my god, don't waste your time!
And now I feel sick, which may or may not have to do with the 2 Cadbury's Cream Eggs and iced Belgium bun I've consumed for mental health purposes. I intend to have a bath and get into bed early for reading, TV and probable ointment on boob rubbing.
On second thoughts, maybe the first isn't such a good idea, if there was ever going to be a day when the plugged in toaster would mysteriously leave the kitchen counter, float down the hall and become dangerously close to a bath full of water.....
