From the heart
I don't know what to do with myself, there is intense pain whichever position I am in. I can't stay put for too long as I feel myself seizing up.
I am not ashamed to admit, that last night, the thought of taking all my pills was on my mind, I had just had enough of living my life in pain, the thought of a day being able to move freely seemed like heaven to me. Maybe I was feeling sorry for myself? Maybe I should have bucked my ideas up? Yes probably, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I am human and living with it day in day out is bound to bring on negative weakness occasionally, however strong I strive to be.
I did the right thing and rang my dad, we talked for an hour, I didn't tell him my thoughts, he has enough to worry about, but he did make me laugh eventually and I felt far better by the time I put the phone down.
I didn't sleep at all, but funnily enough I don't feel tired, which is a blessing.
The extra meds the doctor prescribed may as well be smarties, when he comes tomorrow I will ask for something stronger. I have no one coming round today, which is fine, I'm not the best of patients anyway. I just hope I can somehow manage to have a wash and change of underwear in the next couple of days, I feel skanky already.
Phil: Thanks so much for making me laugh, I needed that more than you know, even if my shaking hurt like hell!!
