"Penis Puppertry Matinee, Roll Up, Roll Up"
I have a penis. Obviously I don't mean I actually have a penis, I mean I've acquired a penis, not in some bizarre medical experiment kind of way either.
What I mean is, I have an imaginary penis, pickled in an imaginary pickle jar. It was the non ripped off functioning penis of a van driver who shouted at me for parking outside the chemist on double yellows. It is no longer non ripped off and therefore no longer functioning. I hope he already has kids, because if not, then he's screwed............. well not literally because his penis is right here in a pickl........ yeah, moving along.
I park right outside the chemist because...
1. The pavement is too narrow for a wheelchair.
2. Available parking is too far away for me to walk with crutches.
3. It causes chaos, blocks all the traffic, thus drawing lots of attention to me me ME!
So penisless van driver, you are not the first and will not be the last bloke who will forever remember my encounter with your loins, no sirree, get in the queue minge boy.
My knee is knackered, the opiates are flowing at a high volume, therefore my weekend will be spent in a stumbling haze, just like my younger days, kind of, in a round about way......... or maybe not.
Pickled Gherkins anyone? No? Have a smashing weekend all the same.
