Kicking of arse is an anticlimax
Already kicked arse, no nurses were hurt in the process, just a very nice understanding palliative care team member.
Hospice is out. They are over run and unless he has symptom control issues or is literally dying, he doesn't qualify. 100% acceptable, crossing that off my list.
They are aiming to get him home with 4 times a day nursing care. Asked what happens if he needs the loo in the night, or has an accident, does he lie there till morning? Mum can't cope with that alone, she is now 8 stone at 5 foot 7, (OK Thursday, you're probably about that you sex kitten you, but mum has bigger bones, lol), she had the psychiatric team out to asses her yesterday, they say no way is she fit for this, I agree and she is terrified of the prospect.
Another option is a small, local cottage hospital. This sounds good, I LIKE! BUT, depends on the bed situation, le sigh.
So, no prefect answer, I accept that, just needed to try.
Rang mum to tell her. Her words in a nutshell? "Let him go Jilly, he's too ill to care and you are wasting precious time fighting, just accept, savour what you can and accept".
Is she right? I don't want her to be right, I want him to pick up, am I delusional? Am I making things harder for them? Is she being a pessimist? Am I just like one of those hysterical women in a useless situation, like in the movies, screaming and shouting and flailing until someone slaps me across the face to make me wake up to reality?
I've always made things better for my family, I've always tried to paper the cracks, sooth the friction, been the mediator, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm frantically trying to paper a crack that just keeps widening.
I don't regret kicking arse. If anything else I feel better knowing I've been down every avenue, maybe I need to take some time to now try and accept that this is out of my hands before I crack myself up? It's hard to believe you are doing the right thing when you are the only one that feels the need to do it.
