Sod Snakes on a Plane
Wednesday evenings are a permanent fixture in my weekly social diary, along with Monday night's Origami in Lotus Position Social Club and Friday afternoon's Underwater Basket Weaving classes.
The evening starts off with some slap up grub, (current eatery of choice being Frankie and Benny's, where the bacon cheese burgers do hover afore thee ringing out the Messiah's Hallelujah Chor, whilst their halos doth shinith). To gain the fullest of satisfaction, a full days starvation is advised, only then, after deliriously sucking on a napkin whilst waiting for the offering to be delivered, can the explosive taste be fully appreciated. The downside of this method being the 23hr period of stomach shrinkness, which invariably leads to a full on battle with a marble chocolate sundae. A battle of pain, but one which is never lost, making it all the more victorious.
Once the gift has been received, you may think Rachel and I coolly and confidently strut into the nearest cosmopolitan cocktail bar, or maybe slip into a renowned artsy cinema to drink up a European classic with subtitles, but you would be wrong. Oh so wrong. For we are far classier than both these options could offer and as the evenings excitement builds to a crescendo, there is only one place in the world that can satisfy our craving....
Asda. Yes, late night shopping in a supermarket, it's where all the coolest kids are hanging. They learnt it from us, we are the original, 1986 and sweet sixteen, 'living it up' masters.
Never has there been a place where fun is more plentiful and free...
2006 Asda Model Collection
Over length, v necked, itchy llama fabric sweater - £18
Grey furry, trying to be French chic but failing miserably beret - £12
Rachel looking like a cross dressed Benny Hill - Priceless
Black and white dogtooth synthetic dodgy stitched cap - £12
Matching dogtooth faded print sheer scarf and pvc handbag - £15
Rachel looking like 60's twiggy after 12 pints and 52 pies - Priceless
And of course, what evening would be complete without a weird and wonderful vegetable find...
Equal Rights For Disabled Carrots!
Also, if anyone can tell me, why 2 hours after unpacking my shopping, when entering the loo for a wee I found romaine lettuce on my basin which I do not remember leaving there, then you have more of a clue than I do.
COMING SOON, TO A CINEMA NEAR YOU.... 
LETTUCE ON A BASIN.
