His name was Jarvis, he liked to swim
The fact that I love animals is no secret, especially dogs, dogs make me turn into mush, (except for those little yappy, toy, upholstered rat things). Liking dogs as much as I do often gets me into trouble, take this morning for instance, there I was bumbling down the tow path, when I see a gorgeous, bouncy golden retriever heading my way. As he gets closer and inevitably spots me, his tail starts to wag like a rudder, which is an automatic cue for me to launch into my 'stupid, reserved for anything that isn't human' voice...
"Ewwo doggy, ewwo gorgeous, come on then boootiful, cooome here doggy.."
Unfortunately, it wasn't until after he barrelled into my footplates and slammed into my legs with joy, did I realise he had not long been out of the river. The river that runs through the field that has recently been fertilised, the fertilizer that gets washed into the river during the torrential rains, just like the ones we had last week, hence creating, a. deadly. river. of. poo.
I can't get rid of the smell, no amount of scrubbing is helping. Also, I'm starving but can't eat anything, because as soon as my hands come within 5 inches of my face my head reels backwards. Pray why as no-one written a book on the fertilizer diet before now?
I must get rid of this smell before tonight, I have meditation, they will all be picking up on the spirit of a farmer.
I have the dentist tomorrow, nasty needle man, feel sorry for me, please.
