Where to?
The days seem to be whizzing past lately, I feel as if I'm caught in the derangement of Madonna's Ray of Light video, only with a far more supportive bra.
The departure of the female member of 'The Management' has thrown me into utter disarray, she has flown North to some place called Penrith? Cumbria? Where it is so parky, that the occupants invariably suffer with all year round goose pimples, a condition I have named pimpdomitis. Apparently, the eldest Monarch of the family, who resides in Pimpledom, has been deserted by her younger daughter for 3 weeks and consequently, is in need of alternative 'battiness watch' by her eldest off spring. This is a necessity to ensure that the 80 year old does not frequent the Duck and Pond, in her birthday suit at closing time, singing Christina's Dirty whilst lassoing her girdle above her shampooed and set head. Dementia, for this family, is inevitable.
As the female member of 'The Management' and I, are the only drivers of the southern clan, taxi duties have fallen to me for the period she has buggered off. Living in such a rural area, miles from a pint of milk as we do, proves a pain in the running meter of taxi land. Each run includes a drive to pick up the male passengers of the family, a tedious journey to the chemist, butchers, doctors, hospital, optician, day care centre and if alerting by fellow bird watches, an expanse of land anywhere in southern England for the hunt of a rare bird.
I am contemplating on purchasing an appropriate sign, maybe....
Or....
Or even.....
So if you are in need of transport and live in southern England, let me know, as I most possibly will be passing your door at some point. But please be aware, I do not accept requests from clients who are intoxicated (do you know the price of car valeting these days?!), parents of young children (the wheelchair hoist is not a climbing frame), or the elderly, because they smell.
May I direct you to the highly educational video linked on the right of the page, entitled Fuckity Fuck Fuck. A must see for all.
