Dear Dad....
I have my suspicions that my Dad reads this blog. He's been online for a few months now and he knows the title. It's not a name he would forget being as it was named in honour of him.
"Well Jilly, it's all part of life's rich tapestry"
At the beginning of the year, as I knew he was soon to go online, I laid my cards on the table. I told him that my blog contains bad language, personal feelings that he may find difficult to deal with and experiences past and present, that I may have 'omitted' to tell him in order to spare any upset, and then I told him that if he chose to read, I would not be held responsible for his reactions, and left the ball in his court.
I don't have confirmation that he reads, but I do have my very strong suspicions. It's not something that I worry about, I feel confident enough in myself to stand by and take responsibility for the contents. I know he most probably doesn't approve of me being so open, especially with the sometimes raw emotions regarding my health, or the fact that I don't come across as the most lady like daughter on the planet, (which indeed I am not), or the too often references to smut! I know he loves me all the same.
So, this message may be a waste of time, but I want to take the chance...
Dad, I love you more than I can begin to explain. I know we were distant when I was a kid and I know you regret some of your decisions when bringing me up, but you did the best you knew how at the time and I appreciate that more than you could know.
As I've matured, we have become partners in crime, we can now share so much more than we ever could, feel completely comfortable in each others company and tend to find excuses to spend time together, just the two of us, whenever possible. We both love mum to death, but realise we are more relaxed people when we are alone. I love it that we tell dirty jokes, play the car radio at full volume, up the sarcasm a notch, eat junk food until we make ourselves ill and have created an art form, of denying any such behaviour, when interrogated by mum on our return.
I know I have put you through the most enormous amount of stress over the last 20 years. I will always be sorry for that and before you start getting angry, I KNOW it's not my fault, I'm not taking the blame, but I do wish more than anything that you never had to go through the difficult and emotional years that you have. If I could take it all away with the blink of an eye, I'm sure you know that I would, whatever the cost.
I can't begin to imagine how it felt for all those years, knowing there was a possibility you would outlive your daughter. I know the worries will never stop and I know there are further decisions and challenging times ahead, but working as a team, as we do so well, means nothing can beat us.
So I guess what I really wanted to say is, you are and always will be up on that pedestal Dad. I am so incredibly lucky and fortunate to have you, not to mention immeasurably proud.
Thank you and Happy birthday.
Love Jilly xxx
